The Importance of Being Grandmaster Frost Jay J Frost A.K.A. Brotha Loaf

By Noah Jorgensen, Doug Cochran, Jared Barroso, Ei-Yazh Foster, and Nat Hallowell

FADE IN:

INT. - THE CURLING STUDIO - DAY

ANDRE THE GIANT is in the curling studio laying down some beats. LIL’ LANE walks in to grab his backpack. ANDRE THE GIANT stops spitting and turns to LIL’ LANE.

 

ANDRE THE GIANT

You smell what I was cooking, man?

 

LIL’ LANE

Those were some fresh beats. Didn’t wanna interfere though.

 

ANDRE THE GIANT

I’m all about the heartfelt beats, you know, some people break that stuff down to a science, not me man, my stuff’s gotta be from the heart, you know, earnest.

 

LIL’ LANE

Yeah, man.

 

ANDRE THE GIANT

Speaking of science, did you grab the mild dishwashing detergent from Walgreens. Gotta polish my chains. Also, don’t forget to clean my shoes later. Big Mama's coming over soon and my Air Force One’s gotta be fresh for her.

 

LIL’ LANE

For sure, bro. I got the Dr. Pepper and Chicken Fries too. Gone be a feast for Kings.

 

ANDRE THE GIANT

And Queens, don’t wanna upset BIG MAMA.

 

LIL’ LANE

Oh yeah, thanks brotha.

 

ANDRE THE GIANT  

No problem, broheem.

 

LIL’ LANE

Brofasa!

 

ANDRE THE GIANT

Brovaloni!

 

LIL’ LANE

Brosiedon!

 

ANDRE THE GIANT  

Bromigo!

 

LIL’ LANE

Brofalchowski  

 

ANDRE THE GIANT  

Broski!

JAY walks into the studio and puts down his backpack.  

ANDRE THE GIANT/LIL’ LANE

BROTHA LOAF!

 

JAY

How’s it hanging, homies?

 

LIL’ LANE

You know, rent keeps going up and paychecks stay the same.

 

ANDRE THE GIANT

Man, you live with your mom.

 

LIL’ LANE

True. I’mma bounce, need to polish shoes and spiff up the place for BIG MAMA.

 

LIL’ LANE exits the room.  

JAY

How ‘bout you, man? How’d your curling game go yesterday?

 

ANDRE THE GIANT

Aw man, it was crazy. They threw the stone and I kept sweeping and sweeping… and we won…

 

JAY

That’s dramatic man, just like the battle Tunis, when the Carthaginians overpowered the Romans.

 

ANDRE THE GIANT

Exactly man, that’s what I was thinking. Anyways, how’s the curling life treating you?

 

JAY

I’d love to tell you but I’d rather show you, through my lyrics.

 

JAY turns to ANDRE THE GIANT who starts beat boxing. JAY starts freestyling.

JAY

Now watch as we come curling,

My lyrical skills come unfurling,

My team enforces their prowess,

Make our enemies powerless,

And increase their cowardice,

When we throw the curling stone across the floor

We sweep the floor down to the core,

Now, watch as I craft this lyrical coffin and spit the nails in,

I put my adversaries six feet under and their pathetic raps in prison,

Now, let’s learn about me and some facts in addition,

I’ll make a simple transition,

It’s true I’m a god and my skills render my enemies helpless,

But as a god I found my goddess,

It’s true I came and stole her heart and mind,

She’s a catch that you earn and don’t find,

Her name is GIGI,

Give me some credit, this wasn’t easy.

 

ANDRE THE GIANT

Fire. But wait, do you mean A$AP GIGI?

 

JAY

Yeah, I’m trying to recruit her for my curling team. If that’s cool with you man?

 

ANDRE THE GIANT

(Standing)

Hell no, it ain’t cool. She’s our top dawg, our k-dot. You can’t just swoop in and take our team player like that. Why would she wanna leave anyways?

 

JAY

She’s tired, man. She’s tired of her mom being the coach, she’s tired of unkempt ice rinks, she’s tired of you, but mostly she, uh, she really wants to be on a team with, you know, a GRANDMASTER FROST JAY J RHYMES A.K.A. BROTHA LOAF.

 

ANDRE THE GIANT

(Puzzled)  

That ain’t even your real name, man. That’s your stage name, bro.

 

JAY

I know, but she’s all about that name. Do you think she’d wanna be on a team with just JAY.

 

ANDRE THE GIANT  

I mean it’s in the name… But no, no man, she doesn’t want to play for the losing team, she belongs with The Giants.

 

JAY

No man, she’s belongs with the LOAFER’s at heart.  

 

JAY’s phone buzzes. He removes it from his pocket and reads the text. It’s from A$AP GIGI. He turns to ANDRE THE GIANT, disregarding the previous conversation.

JAY

(Worried)

Hey man, BIG MAMA’s here. Clean this place up! Pronto tonto!

 

ANDRE THE GIANT and JAY begin to clean the room together.

ANDRE THE GIANT  

(Cleaning)

Get the food out, BIG MAMA likes her victuals warm and ready when she arrives.

 

LIL’ LANE leads BIG MAMA in with A$AP GIGI. BIG MAMA struts in with confidence and A$AP GIGI follows behind her, remaining in her shadow.

ANDRE THE GIANT and JAY stand up out of respect.

BIG MAMA inspects the space.  

BIG MAMA

ANDRE, what’s all this dust doing on my floor, did y’all clean the windows like I asked?

 

BIG MAMA walks over to the table and inspects the chicken fries.

BIG MAMA

‘These the fiery wings I asked for? Or, let me guess, they’re mild and came with extra sauce. They better have cool ranch.  

 

BIG MAMA looks at JAY.

BIG MAMA

Straighten your back when I’m talking to you!

JAY straightens his back.

BIG MAMA sits and starts to eat. Everyone else sits after she does.

BIG MAMA

(To LIL’ LANE)

You get a job yet LANE?

 

LIL’ LANE

Nah, but I’m hoping to ride curling all the way out, that and spinnin’ records. Now it’s loose change, but soon it’ll be briefcases full of big faces.

 

ANDRE THE GIANT and LIL’ LANE informally high five.

BIG MAMA

(Disapprovingly)

That ain’t gonna pay the bills.

 

ANDRE THE GIANT  

(Confused)

He lives with his mom.

 

A$AP GIGI turns to JAY.

A$AP GIGI

(Whispering)

So GRANDMASTER FROST JAY J RHYMES A.K.A. BROTHA LOAF, you ready?

 

JAY

(Whispering)

Let’s lay it down on her.

 

A$AP GIGI

BIG MAMA, I’m gonna be blunt with you. It’s been real with the GIANTS, but it’s time for me to move on. I’m joining GRANDMASTER FROST JAY J RHYMES A.K.A. BROTHA LOAF’s team. There’s chemistry between us that no one can deny. Together, we’re like the LeBron James and Cleveland Cavaliers of Curling.

 

BIG MAMA

(Bewildered)

What in the?! (Pauses) What’d you say, Jay?

 

A$AP GIGI

LeBron James? He’s a super famous basketball player.

 

BIG MAMA

I know who LeBron James is! But you better be joking?

 

JAY

She wants to join my team.

 

BIG MAMA

And, pray tell, why should I listen to this?

 

A$AP GIGI

This is what I want. This my dream and my time is nigh!

 

BIG MAMA

(Turns to JAY)

Oh really? How many championships you won?

 

JAY

Six in division two.

 

BIG MAMA

And in division one?

 

JAY  

We haven’t won any yet, but we will. I feel it. This is our year!

 

BIG MAMA

Alright. Gatorade or PowerAde?

 

JAY

PowerAde.

 

BIG MAMA

(Shaking head disapprovingly)

You been asked to join a college team?

 

JAY

(Hesitating)

Well, not yet, but we’re only in eighth grade.

 

BIG MAMA

Never hurts to be prepared. Is your future a joke? Is curling a joke to you?

 

JAY

How could you even say something like that? I guess you don’t really know me. Since day one my mission has been the same. I’m here to curl and I’m here to win.

 

LIL’ LANE

He came he saw, he conquered, he curled!

 

BIG MAMA

(To LIL’ LANE)

Enough from you.

BIG MAMA sits in silence and then turns to A$AP GIGI.

BIG MAMA  

So this is want you want?

 

A$AP GIGI

Yes. And I know it.

 

BIG MAMA  

Alright one more question, are you sponsored?

 

JAY looks at ANDRE THE GIANT and LIL’ LANE. They all stare at each other for a few moments.

JAY

(Hesitant)

We were sponsored by Nike last year, but after we lost our third division one championship, they dropped us.

 

BIG MAMA

(With a maniacal grin)

That settles it. No sponsor, no GIGI.

 

A$AP GIGI

(Upset)

MAMA!

 

BIG MAMA

Enough! Unless you find a sponsor, GIGI ain’t joining no other team, not even if it’s GRANDMASTER FROST J JAY RHYME A.K.A. BROTHA LOAF’s or whatever the hell team you said. That’s that. GIGI, let’s get out of here.

 

BIG MAMA and A$AP GIGI exit the studio. JAY stares at A$AP GIGI, lost in longing. ANDRE THE GIANT, JAY, and LIL’ LANE stand there in silence.

LIL’ LANE

(Bewildered)

Well, raise my rent.



 

 

THE END